Meaningful Connections
Originally published on the Daily Camera Guest Opinion—Guest Opinion: Kate Ellesworth: Meaningful connections
Today, walking the trails of Chautauqua, I heard morning greetings offered with undertones of warm support. These simple gestures reminded me of the morning after the Mother Emanuel Church massacre in my hometown of Charleston, SC. My hometown took to the streets and gathered in overflowing churches to reaffirm our connection and commitment to one another. The world watched as we chose to heal together, curbing a riptide of racially charged violence spreading across our nation that summer of 2015.
In the wake of the Boulder shootings, I offer an appeal to stay grounded in our commitment to compassion and connection. When we learn the nationality, race, religion, ethnicity, economic or mental health status of people who cause us pain, it takes work to resist confirmation bias. Confirmation bias can ignite a flame of bias that flickers in and out of our consciousness. It requires active intention not to “other” individuals, lump individuals into groups we then separate from our circle of care and concern.
This past summer, gains made in 2015 dissolved in tear gas as the National Guard and Charleston police railed against Black Lives Matter protests. A community willing to stand in solidarity following mass violence was unable to offer allyship in the river of violence and marginalization Black citizens experience in Charleston and beyond. I see the potential for an echo in Atlanta, as Asian American and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) receive an outpouring of support in response to the loss of lives, a punctuation in decades of violence and oppression experienced by AAPI individuals and communities.
There are significant differences among the causes and consequences of violence I reference here. However, there is commonality in the efforts to heal. Earlier this week in this forum, my teacher and colleague, Jordan Quaglia, shared specific processes for cultivating compassion in times of tragedy. It is so useful to have a powerful practice that creates a container for our efforts. At the core of compassion practice is connection. My own experience of meaningful connection is that even seemingly small acts of noticing can reinforce community and create a network of support. These ordinary exchanges are part of our Southern fiber, so it was perhaps easy for us to call them to the fore when we needed them most in Charleston; I waved and smiled greetings, slowed down to listen, and checked in to learn how folks were feeling as I went about interactions as common as paying at a register or passing strangers and neighbors on the street. We all did something similar to show our presence in one another’s lives, our openness to offer support. Overtime, the ordinary elixir of kindness was replaced by the equally ordinary pull toward separateness; Kindness and connection can require vigilance, they too need even a self-made container to organize their practice.
“It is so useful to have a powerful practice that creates a container for our efforts. At the core of compassion practice is connection.”
In more typical times, compassion and connection contribute to our individual well-being and community resilience, in times of crisis they are essential. Like Charleston, Boulder has the opportunity to frame our pain in connection and commitment to one another, resisting “othering”. How we respond now will define our healing and the lesson we send out from our hometown.
Dr. Kate Ellesworth is the founder of Optimizing-Education and Director of Education Initiatives at The Center for Resilience and Well-being in Schools, Institute of Behavioral Science, University of Colorado Boulder.
